Me on the World

The Healing Has Begun, Time to Look Forward

2005-09-11T14:41:00.000-07:00

Yes, I have stayed away from my blog for the duration of the Katrina Katastrophe. Partly because I have not had much time with my extra workload and my work here at the Louisiana Pink Cross HQ. And partly because there is just too much that could be said, and sometimes too much that is being said.

But I wanted to chime in now with some thoughts and observations. The clouds have broken and the sun is starting to shine through. (I'm meaning this metaphorically) Calm is beginning to return and reality is setting in, and in some cases the reality is not as bad as we thought it would be 2 weeks ago.

I had the unique experience to go down to New Orleans this past Thursday. I was working with a group that is "rescuing" computer equipment and files for government offices and law firms. Why? Because people are moving on and getting back to business. Anyway, we went into the heart of downtown New Orleans. Getting there, we went through many of the residential suburbs around New Orleans. We were able to pass through the many armed checkpoints into the city because we were on government contracts. I got to see first hand some of the things that have been talked about. What I saw was impressive (re: left an impression). I had never seen such destruction first hand. Aluminum siding literally peeled off building leaving their innards exposed. Roofs completely crushed by trees. Brick walls that had been blown off, landing on and crushing cars. Debris EVERYWHERE. And in the middle of downtown, the scars of desperation, markets and fast food joints with doors and windows broken by people looking for food. I did see some standing water on some blocks, but amazingly much of the streets had been drained in just a matter of days.

On the flip side, a good bit of what I saw appeared to be fixable, some rather easily. And just 10 days following the storm, there were crews on the streets cleaning limbs, leaves and debris. And, there were evacuees returning home to some parts of the New Orleans area that even had electricity. Just 10 days after the worst natural disaster in the history of our country.

I know, there are still a lot of rough things going on. Some communities will be rebuilding literally from the ground up, but I have yet to see anyone say that they won't and that they give up.

Another reason to set aside the despair, is the response from the human family. The last 13 days have been filled with overwhelming offers of help and support. Whether it be people opening their homes to strangers for undetermined periods of time, to volunteers from all professions rushing down to lend help and support, to rich celebrities and athletes putting their money where there mouths are and not rushing in for the accompanying photo op (I'm not referring to you Mr. Penn). The radio is flooded with ads from local franchises and businesses begging that their employees check in with them and promising a job to all who've been displaced. Even the Secretary of the Department of Labor has repeatedly pledged that anyone who lost their job and still wants to work will get a job. Doors across the country have opened for these unfortunate souls.

I will not get into the failures that occurred in the wake of this disaster. As a communications professional I cringed at times when I dealt with or witnessed breakdowns from civic leaders as well as other organizations. Suffice to say, things could/should have been done differently. But, can anyone say that the last time a Category 4 storm hit New Orleans things were handled better? This is new ground people. Let's just make sure that no one says the next time a Category 4 storm hits New Orleans things were handled worse.

In conclusion, my deepest sympathies to my friends and neighbors. Devastation is especially difficult to handle when there is no one on earth to blame. The Good Book says that there is "a time to mourn" but it also says there is "a time to heal." The healing has begun. Let's look forward to the opportunities that are being presented. To paraphrase a line from a well-known source: We can rebuild it, we have the technology. And we can make it better.

Comically Bad

2005-08-25T22:10:00.000-07:00

This is pathetic enough that it shouldn't be shared, but funny enough that it should be. So I'll fill you in, just say that it happened to a friend of mine.

So my friend tells me how his Thursday night went:

"Well, I had become slightly resentful that my wife has gotten into the habit of going out with her friends a night or two a week while I stay home with the kids, so I decided tonight I was going to be the one to take off. That's when it began downhill. I called up the only two guys that I could considering going out and doing anything with, and was shot down. 'That's okay,' I thought. 'I'll just go out on my own and see what I can do. I'll have fun and come home and count up the number of times I was hit on, how great it was, and blog about it all. It'll be cool.'

What I really felt like doing was going somewhere to shoot pool, listen to a band play and drink way too many cokes. So I head to the local 'billiard center' that happened to be hosting a band tonight, by myself. I've got ten bucks in cash and plan to spend it on some pool, and maybe a game or two of Golden Tee (since I can't play that when I'm out with my wife.)

I get to the door, and I'm met with a $5 cover charge. Not bad, but unexpected. I'm going to come in and pay to play pool, but I need to pay at the door too? This band had better be good. Then I go to the bar to get a table and balls, another $5. Stoopidly, I offer over my other $5 bill. D'oh! Within 30 seconds I am out of cash and not an ATM in sight. Man, I suck at this going out thing. Maybe if I were a more attractive woman, the cover charge could have been 'waived', but that ain't happening now.

I regroup. I think, Okay, I'll get my table, shoot some stick, watch the scores on the TV's and wait for the band to crank up and maybe do some people watching. I'll get my free soft drinks, and just have to be an ass and not tip the poor waitress because I'm all out of cash. It'll be okay. I make my way to the table and realize I am pretty much the only one in town who thought coming here would be a good idea. Out of about a dozen tables, maybe 5 are in use. I know its early (10 pm), but a band is cranking up in 30 minutes, where are the people? That means the people watching is out.

As I begin to play, it dawns on me, playing pool against yourself is dumb. You know, I didn't win a single game. I was playing so bad that I was embarrassed, even though the place was half empty and absolutely no one had even noticed I was there. Speaking of that, the little blonde waitress didn't even bother to ask me if I wanted anything. She made her rounds of the 5 other tables, served drinks, made chit-chat, and walked right by me 3 times w/out a word. Oh yeah, I've still got it. So after forcing myself to play for 30 minutes (hey, I had to get my $5 worth), I gave up on the pool and made my way to a barstool to listen to the band as they got started.

As I sat at the bar, I reflected on my last 30 minutes of this exciting night out on the town. Then I decided to hell with it, I was whipping out the debit card to start a tab to order as many Red Bull's as I could stomach. I guess the bartender had some kind of premonition that my choice to begin wasting money I couldn't afford to was a bad idea, because he never acknowledged my presence. Yeah, I'm cool.

I managed to sit through about three songs of the most non-descript three guy band that was probably started in college and won't tour outside of a 250-mile radius. They weren't bad, but I couldn't even think of another group to compare them too. I finally decided to bail. Although I felt bad at first because I was the only one in the place that looked to be paying attention to them, I got over that when I realized they had bored themselves and were busy looking backstage while they played and making gestures to each other.

This is when I give up on the evening and head home. The depression of a failed evening was fortunately overtaken by the humor of the pathetic-ness of it all. I guess some of us have it, and some of us don't have a clue. Moral of the story: unless you're an attractive female or an unattached male with money to spend, just stay home, read the bedtime story for the kids and watch the Discovery Channel until you fall asleep at 11 pm and be comfortable with the fact that you are 38 yrs old, act like it."

So that's how my friend tells it. I can laugh because it's not me.

Randomosity

2005-08-24T19:39:00.000-07:00

A few observations from that which is my world:

The "Golden Rule" has been irreparably broken. How you treat people no longer has much bearing at all on how they will treat you. If someone likes you, they will like you regardless (i.e. how the creeps always manage to have long relationships with women). If you are not that important to a person, it doesn't matter how majestically you treat them, you just won't rank above a tool that can provide them something they want. Bottom line: the paradigm has shifted. If you are going to be good and nice to people, do it without expecting any reciprocation. If you are hoping your good turn will be returned, don't waste your time. But don't be surprised if no one else does either.

After watching countless (well, I never bothered to count) episodes of "Good Eats", I've decided that Alton Brown, in all his goodness, couldn't make a pitcher of ice water without kosher salt. I mean, who really even has any of that stuff? If it doesn't come in the paper can with the umbrella-ed little girl, I've never seen it.

I've come to the conclusion that I can never watch "A Current Affair" again, regardless of what Barefoot says. Their "investigative reporting" consists of reading the tabloid headlines at the checkout stand and looking up people's names in the public record files at the local courthouse. Case in point: "Did Olivia Newton-John's boyfriend's recent disappearance have anything to do with the fact that just over 5 years ago he filed bankruptcy and checked the annual income box of $0-$50,000, which means he could have been making as little as $3 a month! Next on A Current Affair." Yeah, I'm sure that's probably the key to the whole terrible mystery.

What are "they" always listening to? And by "they" I mean the athletes, recording artists and actors that are always walking around with headphones on. Are they really all listening to music? If so, what music? You cannot see an athlete these days without headphones on when he's not playing. In the lockerroom, on the sidelines, in the streets wherever. What the heck are they listening to? Be honest, its "How to Speak Spanish in 15 Days", right?

And speaking of "they", what's with all of the monitors, screens, video games and DVD players in their cars? I can't possibly imagine that they spend more than about 20 minutes in their cars, if they have to go any further, they fly. And it's not like they are trying to keep their kids quiet. I just don't get it.

Well, I guess that's it for now. Any comments or answers to questions can be posted below.

And may I say "Welcome, to the Future"

2005-08-16T20:40:00.000-07:00

Hallelujah. My parents have broken down and bought a new computer. An impressive one no less. In fact, my mother mentioned that she was going to start taking space shuttle flight classes so she can justify all the bells and whistles.

Dad: Its got a DVD burner and you can burn both sides.
Me: Cool, now you can start making movies. That can be your new hobby when you retire.
Dad: Yeah, right.

I for one am excited. With the new set-up, they will also be getting high-speed internet. That was actually the impetus behind the whole thing. Their old computer wasn't that bad, it was just one version too early. It didn't have an ethernet connection for crying out loud. And with all of the programs that had been loaded on to it, intentionally and otherwise, you literally had to go in and warm it up for about 5 minutes before you actually started to use it. It was like a '76 Dodge Dart in Green Bay, Wisconsin, in February.

So say goodbye to dial-up and hello to all the weird and bizarre stuff on the net that I will now be sending over! Oh, and if anyone out there has a feature length film they need to store and edit, or an extended-play album to record, or the entire library of congress, I'll point you in their direction. As I told mom, with computers, as with bacon, you can never over buy!

Someone must have gotten caught...

2005-08-15T18:23:00.000-07:00

As I walk in from work this evening, the girl child is sitting quietly with her doll. She then looks up at me and says, "No, Daddy, I don't know what's gotten into me." Boy, somebody must've been in trouble, but the less I know the better.

Sweatin' to the Oldies

2005-08-08T20:13:00.000-07:00

I know I probably owe all of you a post about my recent marathon trip to Phoenix (Pa-hoe-nicks), and I am really going to try to get to that tomorrow, but I felt I needed to share yet another interesting happening from my new working world...

My latest foray into the world of paid employment is that of maintenance tech at a 300+ unit apartment complex. Well, this morning, I was making my usual morning rounds in my handy golf cart when I saw something that caught my eye. I looked up and all of the sudden I saw this woman jump sideways out of the front door of her ground level apartment. Then, as quickly as she jumped out, she jumped back in. I was about 25 yards away, and I sat wondering what just happened. Then, she did it again, only this time with her arms flailing. Now, if there's one way to grab my attention, its hopping around with your arms flying all over the place. So I decide to casually investigate.

As I roll my cart closer, I begin to notice some very bad music emanating from the unit, as well as a high pitched squeal. Then she hops out and back in again. Finally, I roll past the front door and take a peak as to what's going on. Lo and behold, there's Richard Simmons! Come to find out, this woman is enthusiastically "Sweatin' to the Oldies". She apparently needed more space in her living room to be able to keep up with Mr. Candy-Stripe Shorts, so she kicks open the front door and has at it.

Needless to say I laugh my rather large, un-Sweatin' to the Oldies butt off all the way back to the office. When I describe what happened to my co-workers, they look at me and say, "Oh yeah, that's Ms. So and So. She does that all the time. The one you really have to look out for is Ms. Whatnot. She does it too, naked."

My job search continues...

Kudos Where Kudos Are Due

2005-08-02T18:13:00.000-07:00

I would be remiss if I didn't send out big kudos (no, not the failed attempt to merge granola bars with candy) to my wife. If you are reading this site and haven't been to hers, get on over there (Not that there is actually much chance of that because I am sure it's her site that drives traffic to mine). The student has certainly surpassed the teacher. Not that I was really much of a teacher. I can just say that because I technically had my blog a whole 30 minutes before and I had to show her how to set it up the first time. If you'll excuse me, I'll be over here patting myself on the back...(Way to go Jeff! Good job! Couldn't have done it without you! etc...)

I must say that I am consistently impressed with the updates and tweaks she keeps making to her site. And her writing is pretty good too (notice I said "writing" not "spelling", hey, we all have to have things to improve.) I have also been blow away by her regularity... in posting (geez people). This is the woman who bailed on her Spanish class after two sessions because it was so close to the restaurant with the really good vegetable platter, the woman who was done with this whole "marriage" thing even though we were only half way through the ceremony (although I am happy to report she has stuck that out so far too).

And the way she has learned how to manipulate the HTML code of her site is pretty impressive. I'm supposed to be the one in the "biz", but yeah, I can't make heads or tails of a lot of it. At the rate she's going, she could be the next {insert name of really cool website designer}. Which is fine with me, because if VH-1 and Jerry Hall have taught me nothing else, its that I could be a Kept Man. Easy.

So here's a shout out to Barefoot. Keep up the good work. And don't let anyone or anything frustrate you into bailing on us.

Now if you could just show me how to change colors or something...

Welcome Back to the Workforce

2005-08-02T18:02:00.000-07:00

Well, today was my first official day back in the working world. No, this is not a job I had hoped for. Nor is it a job that I hope to keep for very long. But it does pay actual money, and it gets me out of the house and will hopefully distract me from frighteningly comfortable obsession with kid's cartoons and the hour long block of Boy Meets World episodes every afternoon at 2 p.m.

Since this job isn't "in my field" or in an "office" (I'm actually doing manual labor), I had hoped that it would be a nice reprieve from "office drama." Not exactly. After just 1 1/2 hours on the job, I realized drama is drama is drama. After spending 20 minutes "calling" the local alligator out of a nearby lake (the local Wildlife officials allegedly encouraged the calling and feeding of said alligator on a regular basis so that it would become comfortable enough to come out of the lake so they could come by and grab it. Yeah, that sounds safe.), I found out that my boss's wife's boss was calling our work looking for my boss's wife because she had not shown up lately and she had heard that my boss was abusive and she was going to call the police because she was sure he had done something. Now he's totally upset because not only is this woman calling his work, and that could get him fired, she's accusing him of something really horrible and they have never met. Folks, this was all before lunch.

What time is Boy Meets World?

Target Audience?

2005-07-29T18:05:00.000-07:00

As a follow-up to the post that didn't happen, I wanted to mention a curious sidenote:

As a regular viewer of Cartoon Network between 9p.m. and 10p.m., I have noticed that the commercial rotation doesn't change much from night to night. One of the regular commercials that can appear up to 4 times during the one hour period (and one that my 4-yr old son has begun to quote and follow along to) is for TimeLife Music.

Now, this period of time consists of episodes of Teen Titans and Dragonball Z. These are cartoons. Who would you think watches these episodes? Well, I can attest that there are some children under the age of 8. I'm pretty sure my 14-yr old watches as well. I also know that there is a certain group of parents' basement dwelling, computer programming, role play gaming 20-30 yr olds that follow them as well.

Knowing that, the question the begs, why is there a recurring commercial the TimeLife collection: Ultimate Love Songs?? What do any of these people need with the timeless classics as performed by Celine Dion and Michael Bolton? Someone has misplaced a large amount of someone's advertising budget. Maybe they are just holding the space until the finishing touches are put on TimeLife Presents: The Love Standards of the Starship Enterprise; or maybe, TimeLife Presents: Goku's Greatest Hits.

For more information: Click Here

What I'm not going to blog about

2005-07-25T20:33:00.000-07:00

I was all set to post, until further thought led me to reconsider.

I had decided I was going to post about one of my new favorite TV shows, Teen Titans on the Cartoon Network. My 4-yr old has gotten me hooked. It has a really nice blend of cartoon action and some subtle humor that can be really funny. I was also going to mention in my post that I thought that Teen Titan Raven was really cool and kinda hot. That I really dug her vibe.

But then, the more I thought about posting that, I realized that I am an almost 30-yr old with 3 kids, 2 houses and 1 dog, and I don't have any business posting about a cartoon. Then, when I thought about posting the comment about Raven, the sicko-perv alarm went off and I decided that wasn't what my reputation needed.

So I've decided not to post about any of that.

I've really got to get a job.

Well, that was unexpected

2005-07-22T07:18:00.000-07:00

"There is a good chance that someone will let you down today, but should that occur, find out the reasons why before exploding. If the reason is a good one, it might make the situation tolerable."

That was my horoscope for Thursday, July 21. The crazily ironic thing is, I read that about a half hour after I found out that I had indeed not gotten the job that I was at one point in time so confident that I would get. I guess my call for karma was met with a busy signal.

It is with great effort that I resist giving the whole entire world the big, fat middle finger. But, that's barefoot's job, and she's doing it quite well. My role is to be the calm rational one who keeps plugging away. Besides, rolling over and starving to death is reportedly and very slow and painful death.

They say that when a door closes, another one opens up. Well, I'd like to put in a request that the opening door be one on my house this time.

At least she doesn't have a problem

2005-07-20T20:57:00.000-07:00

No, its not addiction. Couldn't be. Just a healthy "hobby". Why would anyone think just because you can't go to sleep until after midnight because you have to check your "numbers" and you actually sit around complaining about needing more "hits." And cursing inanimate servers for being too slow getting you your "fix," yeah, everyone does that...

Oh well, I guess that makes me an enabler.

Another Brick in the Wall

2005-07-19T21:10:00.000-07:00

I sat pondering what I've decided is the greatest question in this universe of ours:

"How can you have any pudding if you don't eat yer meat?"

Then of course, the answer came to me:

"Fire all of your guns at once, and explode into space."

Yes, it is just that simple. And yet:

"Everything zen? I don't think so."

Welfare Grape Soda

2005-07-18T22:05:00.000-07:00

As I sit here staring at the computer, trying to escape from the world for few precious minutes, I am drowning my sorrows. What is my beverage of choice tonight? Mountain Haze. That would be the generic equivalent of Mountain Dew. Given our present economic situation, generic has become a word we are quite familiar with lately. (Although we wouldn't dare buy the knock-off Diet Dr. Thunder, no sir. When you are as addicted as some people are, only the real stuff will do.)

But sipping this poor excuse for a caffeinated beverage has given me pause to reflect on one of the icons of a simpler time in my life: Welfare Grape Soda. Now, for those of you unfamiliar with it, it wasn't actually distributed by the government, its just what we called the Food Club Brand Grape Soda. It was a poor high school/college student's staple. I guess its the equivalent of the Pabst Blue Ribbon for the drinking crowd. The taste ain't that great, and you have to drink a large amount to reap any benefit, but dadgum it, it was CHEAP! Can you beat $1.25 for a 12-pack?

Many a night I spent with my group of friends binging on the Welfare Grape Soda. Back in my more gluttonous days, I even manage to get an entire box of Krispy Kreme donuts and a 6-pack of the purple goodness into a midnight showing of some crappy movie. It also helped me get through the final exams of many a semester in high school and college. It was part of a study routine that included ordering two large pizzas, two packs of cookie dough and two 12-packs of the Welfare Grape and locking myself in my room for a solid week of cramming. (You really didn't want to be around me during those weeks.)

One of the best parts about it was the packaging. It came in a purple cardboard box without much of a logo. And the cans were just purple and said "Food Club" on them. It was like those "Soda" or "Beer" cans you see on TV or in the movies when they don't buy the placement rights to actually use a brand name. It was classic.

Well, I guess I'm going to take my last swig of Mountian Haze and head off. Although I can't help but think that with the flashy logo and color scheme, Mountain Haze looks like just another lame attempt by PepsiCo to try to edge in on Coke's turf. Just makes me a little nostalgic for when generic really was generic.

Moral Conundrum

2005-07-15T11:49:00.000-07:00

At what point does my lust for another man jeopardize my straightness and marriage to a woman?

That is the question I face this afternoon as I have just polished two incredible enchiladas that a friend of ours brought over last night. This is the second time I have eaten something that he has cooked, and I have to tell you, I would consider immoral acts to eat some more.

I told him when he brought them over that if his wife ever forgets how good she has it with him, I'll welcome him with open arms.

They say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Is it wrong if the husband of your wife's best friend makes that trip?

What to do? Maybe I'll have another enchilada and it won't taste as good and it will ruin the fantasy. Oh, who am I kidding?!

Calling out the Karma

2005-07-14T19:25:00.000-07:00

Friends, readers, visitors, roamers and anyone else who happens to read this:

I'm looking for a little love and karma.

I had a job interview today for a job that I am in desperate need of. It is a job that I was initially led to believe was mine for the taking, but I am now having to compete for it. I am confident in my abilities, but a little blog-karma could really help.

So, say a pray, light a candle, rub a Buddha, grab a rabbit's foot, stab a voodoo doll, whatever. For the sake of barefoot and the life she has come accustomed to, I could really use this job.

Mr. Mom, Day 5

2005-07-14T18:34:00.000-07:00

Should have been posted on Sunday:

We made it! Well, eventually. Mom would finally make it home around 8 p.m. So what do you do for 12 hours until she gets here?

That was a tough proposition. What made it tougher was that I had actually managed to get the house clean on Saturday night. How in the world was I going to entertain the kids for 12 hours and keep the house clean for when she walks in the door so I get the extra brownie points? Oh yea, its Sunday. That means church for a couple of hours and then we call in the reinforcements and spend the afternoon at Grandma and Pawpaw's. Crisis averted.

Final tally: She left me with 2 kids, and came back to 2 kids. Success.

Mr. Mom, Day 4

2005-07-09T19:27:00.000-07:00

Well, I broke Rule #2 of parenting: I went and tried to accomplish things today. It wasn't my fault, they had to be done. We had to go grocery shopping. For crying out loud, the girl finished the last of the welfare cranberry juice that comes in the can that we keep way in the back of the pantry for emergencies.

And, most frustratingly, I tried to clean the house. That's really hard to do when there is no one around to corral the younguns. I felt like I was bailing water on the Titanic with a teacup. Every time I plowed through a layer-o-crap on the kids floor, I inadvertantly "discovered" stuff they hadn't seen in ages and needed to play with right now. I finally got it finished when I ductaped the little cherubs to a kitchen chair. Just kidding, sort of. When I did finally get it all looking nice, I realized that it was only 2 p.m. on Saturday. How in the world am I supposed to keep it looking nice for 28 hours until barefoot gets back? Aw crap.

Mr. Mom, Day 3

2005-07-08T18:20:00.000-07:00

This is what I am talking about. Someone has gotten the memo.

This morning, I literally wrestled the younguns out of bed to take them to the local movie theater's "Summer Camp". The theater shows a kid show every weekday at 10 a.m. during the summer. This week they were showing "Clifford's Really Big Movie" and the younguns had expressed interest in going. Needless to say, I was glad to not have to fish deep in the well of things to do.

I was actually pretty happy to take them. This theater has figured it out. I doubt that anyone there read my post concerning the subject, but they read my mind with how to do kids movies. Not only was it only $3 to get in, not only did my 2-yr old get in free, but they had free cokes and popcorn for everyone. That my friends will make a 1 1/2 hour kids movie much more tolerable. Kudos to the Grand Cinema. Kudos indeed.

P.S. The movie wasn't really that bad, for a preschooler's flick. Maybe I just have a soft spot for John Ritter, truly an unappreciated actor until his untimely death. RIP Jack Tripper.

Mr. Mom, Day 2

2005-07-07T19:59:00.000-07:00

Survived another day. So did they. I guess we'll call it a success.

Today, I showed my responsible side. I took the kids to the library to pick up some books and educational movies. It had nothing to do with the fact that the library fit squarely in the budget. Of course not.

Then, we hit up Grandma and Paw-Paw for dinner. Gotta appreciate the fact that they took pity on the poor defenseless dad left to fend for himself with the younguns.

Just 3 more days to go. Hope the well of inspiration on how to keep these kids occupied doesn't dry up any time soon.

P.S. While I count it a success that both kids were bathed today, don't tell mom that the girl hasn't had her hair brushed in a while, and I don't see that happening very soon.

Mr. Mom, Day 1

2005-07-06T19:48:00.000-07:00

Well, barefoot left me today. No, not like that, although that is not terribly out of the realm of possibilities (have you seen her? have you seen me? just a matter of time)

No, today she took off for her weekend of family reunioning with the Super Hero Race Car Driver. Won't be back til "probably Sunday evening."

So that means I'm Mr. Mom for the next five days.

Day 1: Send mom off, lay low and try to keep the kids playing with each other until after lunch. Head out for the zoo (its free after 3 p.m.). Spend two hours at the zoo until it closes, at which point the kids demand a playground and not to go home. Find a playground and play for about 45 minutes. Swing by Grandma's for a quick drink (Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper), and back home for a Kid Cuisine dinner. Following a group viewing of "Air Bud", its to bed. Simple. Can it really be this easy?

Of course not. I have no delusions. However, this weekend I am operating under my Parenting Rule No. 2: Babysitting is easy so long as you don't try to accomplish anything. And since I am still UN-FREAKING-EMPLOYED, I have nothing to accomplish. So I will spend the next four days trying to keep the peace and keep my Parenting Rule No. 1: End the day with the same number of kids as you began the day.

Wish me luck!

Earn that Check!

2005-07-01T20:46:00.000-07:00

A bit of social commentary brought on from the world of sports:

Texas Ranger pitcher Kenny Rogers (no, not that one), has been officially suspended for 20 games by Major League Baseball for an incident in which he pushed and shoved a TV cameraman and kicked his camera. The cameraman has retained legal counsel and charges and/or a lawsuit could be forthcoming. Rogers' apologists say that he has been under stress and injured as of late and warned the media to please stay back. I say, bad move.

This incident brings up some very strong feelings I have regarding celebrities and the media. In a nutshell, I believe they (the celebrities) are paid to deal with the media. And any efforts to avoid the media or complain about them is a breach of contract.

When an athlete or actor signs a contract to be in a movie, on a TV show or to play a sport for a team, they are being paid for their particular skill and to represent their employers which may mean answering asinine questions from reporters and having their pictures taken. It also means they are usually on the clock 24/7, even when they are at a coffee shop or in a club.

I have yet to see where the skill of playing basketball or reciting lines or just standing in one spot showing off the looks that God or the plastic surgeon gave you is actually $10 million a year worth of effort. I know guys that play 82 games a year of basketball at the local gym for free. I know actors who can recite lines of scripts for a fraction of a fraction of that amount, if any.

If I were ever the owner of a professional team, I would look at my potential players at contract time and tell them, "Look, we will pay you $100,000 a year to play 3rd base for me. If you would like, I can add $9.1 million dollars a year to that for you to represent my club in front of the media. That is your choice. If you choose the 100 grand, I will make you off limits to the media at all times, but I will also prohibit you from seeking any endorsement deals. How does that sound?"

Bottom line: Kenny Rogers was in the wrong. Despite the bad day he may have been having, as frustrated as he may have been, you've got to stay focused on your task at hand (playing ball) and realize that the media guys have a job to do as well.

BIG NOTE TO THE MEDIA: This does not mean it should be open season on celebs. Rule 1 of the media, Report the story, don't BE the story. The media is supposed to be an objective and invisible recorder of events. They should not instigate nor create the news that they are reporting. It has been mentioned that following Rogers' plea for the media to back off him for a while, that that became the big story and more reporters and cameras showed up to see him avoiding the media. And upon hearing interviews with the "injured" cameraman, it is pretty obvious that he is none too reluctant to be in the middle of this. The media as a group of individuals should be embarrassed by these types, and the types that hang out of car windows to take a picture of someone picking their nose. There should be some self-policing.

Nevertheless, Kenny Rogers should have just gone on about his business. Do I think 20 games is a bit harsh? Yes, but he will appeal it down to 10, which for a pitcher is only 2 starts, and besides his injured anyway.

And to the Paris Hiltons and Britney Spears and Kobe Bryants of the world who just want to be left alone: Without the media and without fan interest, here's a check for what you've earned. Go rent a movie or something with it.

Go there, now!

2005-06-30T05:14:00.000-07:00

I thought this would be an appropriate spot to share with the world two of my favorite internet sites at this time (the others will have to wait, darn content filter!)

The first is a game I stumbled onto a few days ago. No, I'm not a big computer game dork, but on occasion I will find one that I will play relentlessly for a few days and completely burn myself out on. I have been justifying my play of this game by saying that since it is a word game, it has an educational value. Unfortunately, the fact that you can sit for hours on end without moving more than your right hand a few inches probably eliminates all good that this game can do for someone. At any rate, I'm passing it on to you so that I won't be alone in the madness. And if you don't like it, well, you just aren't smart enough. Bookworm

The other site is one that I have been reading for a couple of years now. I will just come right out and say it: Bill Simmons is the coolest guy in the world. When I grow up, I want to be just like him. His writing style is great and his grasp of sports and pop culture is rivaled by no one. I mean this guy wrote a 10,000 word column on the Karate Kid. He has kept a running minute-by-minute diary of the NBA draft for the last 7 years. There isn't another website out there that makes me laugh out loud consistently (except for Barefoot). This is the guy that I wish lived next door so that we could hang out and BBQ and stuff. Yes, I would rather hang out with him than Emily Proctor. Well, I guess I should stop gushing. Check him out. And if you don't like it, well, you just aren't smart enough. Bill Simmons, the Sports Guy

NOTE: The writer of this post received no compensation for the preceding recommendations. However, he would be more than happy to receive some. Or some from anyone else who would like to have their site pimped in this space. The writer is admittedly pretty easy.

Not really a contest

2005-06-29T06:38:00.000-07:00

Phone interview #2 went pretty well yesterday. It was an interview for a job in Arizona that is a carbon copy of the job that I had been doing here for the last 3+ years. So, yeah, I had some good experience that I could tell them about. It's nice to have an interview where you actually have the answers to the questions they are asking, and not have to BS your way through it.

The most comical part of the whole thing was the last question asked. Again, this was a 4-way conference call, but they asked the standard: Do you have a valid Arizona driver's license, if not, would you foresee any problems getting one?

"Well," I said. "No, I don't have an Arizona license, but I don't think I would have a problem getting one. I have a clean record here in Louisiana, and if I can drive in Louisiana, I should be able to handle it anywhere else."

"Ha ha. You may have a lot learn about Arizona," said one of the guys.

Now really. While I didn't comment back about that, I thought to myself, "this guy really doesn't have a clue. Unless its Arizona law that you have to drive a unicycle at 100 mph while blindfolded, there ain't nothing that compares to this holy mess that is the Louisiana Highway System."

To borrow from my old friend Frank S., "if I can make it here, I can make it anywhere."

Do What?!

2005-06-28T06:30:00.000-07:00

As I have mentioned, I am currently doing a lot of shopping in that so-called "job market." It has not been without its incredibly frustrating moments.

Case in point:

Upon returning home from running some errands that included swimming lessons for the Legacy, I found there to be a message on the answering machine. As anyone who is job searching can tell you, that little blinking light can mean the world. So, I hit play (seems logical, no?) The following is an unedited transcript of the message (I couldn't make this up if I wanted to!):

Uh, hi. This message is for Jeff DeBlog. We'd like for you to come in for a job, for an interview. If you could call us back at 9:30, uh, before 9:30, uh well, before 11, at the Siegen Lane location. Thanks.Click
Wednesday, 11:17 a.m.

Do What?! Can I get a name? Can I get a number? Something??

After the dumbfounded shock wore off, I began to try to figure it out. Well, there were two prospects that I had spoken with, that had locations on Siegen Lane, let's try them. Nope. No go. Well, let's call everyone on Siegen Lane that it could be. Nope. No dice. What??

I've decided to just let it go and believe that if it was really important they would try to call back. But, I'm also having serious doubts that I would even want to work somewhere that employs such mental giants. It might be contagious.

Calling out tjenkins

2005-06-25T14:10:00.000-07:00

This post has one purpose: to call out the loser who is harassing my wife. tjenkins has decided that it is his purpose to sit on his butt wherever he is and harass my wife on her blog. You sir, are an ass.

Having been surfing the internet for years, and having participated in forums and discussion boards, I understand that there are certain types out there who feel the internet is their opportunity to pester, provoke, incite, irritate and/or harass whomever they please all while being protected being some innocuous screen name that shields their true identity. This is a sad, sad commentary on the quality of their lives.

tjenkins began graffitting my wife's blog several weeks ago, while hiding behind an "anonymous" screen name. Ballsy, huh? When she decided she did not want that kind of interaction, she disabled the comment function to all who did not have a screen name. Well, this jack*** went out and got a screen name, tjenkins, and has continued to litter my wife's site with hurtful, inane, and generally moronic posts.

I suggested to my wife that she ignore and delete all references to this guy because he was just looking for attention that he is so desperately in need of from anyone. Well, he appears to be taking some sick delight from that kind of attention as well.

I would like to suggest to anyone out there who may know who this creep is, to pass him along to me. My wife's happiness is paramount to me and any jerk who would like to threaten that has just made one hell of an enemy. I don't want this to be construed as an idle threat because it may be difficult to identify this pansy, but believe me, there is no idleness.

I am also calling out the moderators and administrators of www.blogspot.com. tjenkins has made threatening and menacing comments and should be held accountable. I believe in freedom of speech and the freedom of the internet, but I also believe in accountability.

tjenkins, if you are reading this, back the hell off. Anyone else reading this, keep an eye out for this creep and any others like him. And any help that can be sent our way will be greatly appreciated.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, his e-mail address is: tyjenkins@bellsouth.net

Reach out and hire someone

2005-06-24T17:53:00.000-07:00

Well, today I had my first "telephone job interview". A new experience for me, and survey says: not a fan.

In my quest to rejoin the working world (yes, I know, some people out there actually complain about having to work too much, although I can hardly hear them over the pleas from my children for food and shelter), I have applied for jobs all over the country. After everyone in my city had received a copy of my resume, I thought I would expand my horizons and make myself available to the entire free world.

So, lo and behold, I actually received two bites: one in Colorado and one in Arizona. They both called early in the week to set up "phone interviews" with me. Today, I spoke with the nice people in the square state.

Following our 20 minute phone conference (I was on speakerphone with 3 people over there) I came to the following conclusion: I firmly believe that the DeBlog experience must be had in person. I just didn't feel like I came across as great as I truly believe I am (and my mommy says I am).

Oh well. Even if today's interview didn't get me a new job in a far off place, maybe its at least built me a little karmic credit in the job finding category.

The Law of Pixels

2005-06-23T06:15:00.000-07:00

"Let's take a look at this security tape"
"Alright, stop. Freeze it right there. Zoom in on the upper left corner."
fjasjk jgf;jv;l jg; opj; av;lakjl;vas;lgal;k
"Okay, how's 100x?"
"Good, now can you clear it up for me?"
sf;alsjlf;ajsl;kga;jl;vkja;jv;aj; ajs;ja;skjf;kj
"Okay, there. You can see the person has blue eyes, a small scar on his nose and hasn't shaved in 26 hours."
"Good. Rotate it 275 degrees so we can see what is in his backpack"
a;slkdjflaskjdfl;asjkgjas;lkj;alskjdl;fkasj;dlkfj
"There. I rotated it, zoomed in and applied the infrared filter and x-ray scope and you can see he has a Glock 9mm. If I can just get in a little tighter, I'll get the serial number for you."
sdfa;sjdfl;kasjl;dkfjasl;kjdfl;askj;dfjas;kjd;fkajsdj
"Okay. Now we just have to wait for the printer to spit out the piece of paper that will give us all of his information including DNA, blood type, shoe size, fetishes and nicknames from his mother."
Print, Print, Print.
"There you go."
"Okay, good job."
WWWWWHHHHHAAAAATTTT?????

As you can probably tell, that was a recreation of just about any scene from CSI, Las Vegas, Law&Order, etc... My question: have we come that far in technology and I'm just not aware, or are they so full of crap and we are just supposed to sit there and take it?

This is one of my largest pet peeves about TV shows today. It may be because in my profession I deal with a lot of graphics software and stay pretty up-to-date (I thought) with digital photography and video. But I'm sorry, there are certain facts like: digital pictures are made of pixels!! And unless the local 7-Eleven security camera is a 100-megapixel digital, then you ain't zooming in on nothing. And you certainly aren't doing a 275 degree rotation on a 2-Dimensional image. Puhleeze.

My other peeve is the way they are always huddled around the printer waiting for the "results". Last I checked, I can usually see on my computer screen what is being printed. I guess they just like the surprise of it, so they've made a rule that no one can actually look at the computer before the paper comes out.

And what's with all the typing?? Anytime they do anything, it requires a 42-keystroke shortcut. Where's the mouse? Isn't everything point-and-clik these days?

And if all of this is close to reality, then someone needs to look into the budgets of the Las Vegas Crime Lab. I'll bet there are some schools that would like a little of that action.

These shows work so hard to look real. They spend so much on special effects and cadavers, I think it is just creative laziness to invent these spectacular computers and devices that help the plot move along so quickly. I might as well watch Star Trek, its just as real.

My Birthday Wish List

2005-06-19T19:46:00.000-07:00

Lucky me, I just found out what I'm getting for my birthday in August.

My boy (the Legacy) had his 4th birthday in May and for the first time has really realized what a birthday is: people give you stuff. Lots of stuff. So, of course his next big question is: when do I get to do that again?! Well, I patiently explained that birthdays come but once a year, and now he had to wait for everyone else in the family to have theirs and then it would be his turn again. Yeah, I'm trying to explain taking turns to a 4 yr. old.

Well, that went over like a lead balloon and he proceeded to spend the next month asking why we couldn't just skip everyone else and go ahead and have his again. I finally broke down and explained to him that we couldn't do that because MINE was next and I was not going to skip mine.

Then came the epiphany. Four year old epiphanies are always fun. The gleam in the eye and the wily grin. Then he looks up at me and says: "Oh, I know Daddy. You know what I'm gonna get you for your birthday? A Shark Boy suit with goggles, a Power Ranger watch/communicator, a Batman four-wheeler, and the new Star Wars movie. Wouldn't you like that, Daddy? And maybe we could play together, right?"

Can you really fault that kind of logic? Truly impressive for a 4 yr. old. But what else could I expect from my Legacy...

I Demand Compensation!

2005-06-18T12:26:00.000-07:00

I have figured out the secret to success in Hollywood: Children's Movies.

If you want to make a killing, here's the recipe: Come up with some multi-colored, flashing light characters, promote it about a dozen times an hour on morning and evening television, and make sure that you saturate the local Wal-mart and McDonald's/Burger King with any kind of product that features said multi-colored, flashing light character. Do not worry about a script, good acting or even really a story or purpose. Then you just sit back and let the little 2-10 yr old drones drag money bearing adults to the theaters.

Yes, I just returned from "Shark Boy and Lava Girl." As an adult, I actually feel dumber for having sat through it. My wallet certainly feels lighter. $15.00 at the matinee, and the first thing I hear from my boy is the laundry list of things he wants now, including but not limited to: Shark Boy costume, Shark Boy motorcycle, Shark Boy claws, etc.

This got me thinking of what a racket these kids movies are. Not only is enough money made of the merchandising, but the studios are guaranteed extra ticket sales. If this was the latest comic book movie, or teen angst ridden comedy, then I'd hand my 14-yr old $7 and drop him at the door and do something productive with my 2 hours. Or if its the latest Oscar nominee, adult comedy or all-out action flick, then I'd pony up the $14 for the wife and I and then I would enjoy it. Even if its the most recent tearfest from Nora Ephron or whatever Meg Ryan is doing, then I gladly give up the $14 for my wife and I with the expectation of post-movie enjoyment (although expectations are not guaranteed). But what do you get with the latest kids' movies? An extra ticket will always be sold for the adult who must accompany the little commercial absorbers. Aside from the creepy guy in the overcoat in the backrow, I can't really believe that any of the adults actually enjoyed this offering. Actually, having sat through it, I can't see how any of the kids did either, but they obviously did.

So what am I getting at? I DEMAND COMPENSATION! If they continue to make these kids flicks, that I will continue to have to bring my kids to, then compensate me. Either let me in free with a promise to not actually enjoy the show, or give me a free pass to something I will enjoy at a later date. Something! If nothing else, a jumbo popcorn so I can drown myself in its buttery goodness while 10-yr old child actors, making way more money than I ever will, read cue cards and throw snot covered brains at each other.

Has Confucius retired?

2005-06-17T12:35:00.000-07:00

What is the deal with fortune cookies these days? I'll tell you what the deal is: they suck. They are not even "fortune" cookies any more. What kind of fortune do they provide anyway?

Gone are the days of cracking open the stale treat and reading: "Beware of the tall dark man" or "Take the road to the left" or "Read that me-on-the-world blog and send him lots of money". You never see that anymore.

They might as well call them "Flowery Crap Sayings" cookies. Now its: "May life throw you a pleasant curve." Or "Be more affectionate today" Or "Many a false step is made by standing still."

What kind of fortunes are those? How in the world is that going to solve all my problems and make me an indebted servant to Buddha and Confucius?

This reminds me of the Simpsons episode when they visit China and stumble upon an office where 2 dozen drunk cigar smoking monkeys are typing on typewriters and are producing the fortune slips for these little tasties. Now if that was real (and if it is on the Simpsons its got to be pretty close right?), that would be worth the price of the all-you-can-eat buffet. To finish my meal of sesame seeds, soy and MSG, and then be handed, as a souvenir, a slip of paper typewritten by an actual monkey. Tell me that wouldn't be pretty cool. I'd actually collect them.

So, my Asian friends, drop the charade. Forget the "fortune cookie", bring on the "monkey slips"!

2 Live Crew meets the Grand Ole Opry

2005-06-16T19:28:00.000-07:00

My inaugural post on this site. So what should I expound upon? Michael Jackson? Too easy, we'll get to that later. Terry Schiavo? Too deep. The most boring NBA Finals ever or the collapse of LSU athletics right before our eyes? See here.

No, I think I'll go after the big dogs of country music. Yes, look out Toby Keith and Tim McGraw. Now, if I notice suspicious looking 4-wheel drive vehicles lurking on my street or overall clad individuals following me beyond the usual suspects at Wal-Mart, then I will know the far reaching affects of this little blog. Anyway:

What the h-e-double hockeysticks is going on in country music. As I mentioned in a past life, "my musical tastes are as broad as my waistline." However, my first love, and the one I always wind up going back to is country music. While I don't own a pick-up truck, nor hunt nor fish, nor have I ever chewed tabaccy, I do enjoy country music. All the way back to the classic stuff before I was even around. However, I must shake my head at what is going on now.

A few years ago, I was a bit concerned by "new country." As country music hedged toward mainstream pop, thank you Shania, Faith, the Dixie Chicks and Lonestar, I was afraid we were headed toward the vanilla-ization of all music. But the one thing that country music could hold on to were the lyrics. Say what you want, but there have been some great lyricists coming out of Nashville. And I thought that the sound may skew to the pop side occasionally, if you listen to the words, its still country.

Well, now I must blush. Toby Keith began down the road with his infamous patriotic pledge to insert the proverbial American boot in the proverbial terrorist back door, if you get what I'm saying. That may have been one of the first well-known use of the word "ass" in country music. While it upset some, it was accepted by many because of its bravado in the face of the enemy. For some reason, I think Toby just thought that left the door wide open. On his next album, he had a great little ditty about "what happens in Mexico, stays in Mexico" complete with the tale of the married salesman and the married woman who forget the mundane ties of matrimony for a wild weekend south of the border (I mean geographically). While cheating songs have been a staple of country music for years, never so blantantly. This was just a "gettin' it on" song that left little to the imagination.

Now, he's got another hit on his hands that might as well be titled "That Little Blue Pill." And I quote: I'm not as good as I once was, but I'm as good once as I ever was. Pure poetry. Set in the great story of him picking up on some 20-yr old groupie, its all class.

You may be asking: what does Tim McGraw have to do with this? Well, first let me say I admire the heck out of Tug, Jr. I've always said any man who can snag Faith Hill and convince her to move to LOUISIANA deserves my respect. But the boy has me confused as of late. A recently released song of his pines for the country music of yesteryear. Amen, brother. He bemoans the outside influences on his country music and wishes for a purer sound. Good for him. The next single released has him doing a duet with, drumroll please, Nelly. Yeah, Conway Twitty must be loving that one. And now, a previous single of his has gained a second life on, believe it or not, your Top 40 station. Ugh.

Don't get me wrong. Like I said, I am a fan of all genres. Someday I'll post "what's on my i-pod", except that I don't have one, although this may be a good excuse to get one. Anyway, its the dumbing down of tradition and catering to the lowest common denominator to expand your audience that gets me.

Maybe I'm just getting old. Maybe I'm just looking for something to rant about in this, my opening salvo. Or maybe these are just my meanderings to the beat of a different drummer.